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Title: Basic Needs
Author: skeddy_kat
Pairing: John/Rodney
Rating: PG (mild language)
Summary: After a very bad day, Rodney wishes for two things.
Disclaimer: Not mine, but a girl can dream.

Set during “The Intruder” while Rodney and John are in the F-302 and shortly thereafter. Written for the Urban Legend Challenge. The legend is at the bottom of the story. I ended up behind, so this is unbetaed. All errors are mine, feel free to point them out.





Rodney was wishing (again) that he hadn’t gotten out of bed this morning as a beeping noise began in the cockpit. In his experience beeping noises were generally bad. “What was that beeping?”

“Somebody just locked on to us, hold on.” Sheppard threw the F-302 into a roll followed by a series of twisting maneuvers that left Rodney’s stomach somewhere in the vicinity of his throat.

“What happened to the inertial dampeners?” Rodney was sure the F-302s were supposed to have them. He’d seen the specs. Yes, there were definitely supposed to be inertial dampeners.

“At these speeds, you’re gonna feel the tight turns even with the dampeners.” Sheppard’s voice was remarkably calm considering he had a wraith virus-infected killer ship on his tail trying to shoot them down.

Normally in a match between man and computer, Rodney would bet on the computer; but with flying involved – Rodney would bet on John Sheppard every time (or at least he’d give him even odds). Unfortunately, in this instance, John’s exhibition of aerial expertise was doing a good job of encouraging Rodney’s breakfast to reappear.

At least Sheppard tossed him a warning before he slammed on the brakes, for all the good it did. Rodney was sure he would have harness shaped bruises tomorrow, if he lived that long. A big “if” considering the Major, no – make that Colonel, was now flying them directly into the sun. What the hell was he thinking riding shotgun with the hands-down winner of the “Most Likely to Kill Himself Saving the Day” award?

The man was a hazard, no doubt about it. Somehow he kept managing to rub his hazardousness off on Rodney with appalling regularity. Rodney wasn’t sure what it was about the man that kept bringing him back for more. Maybe it was Sheppard’s laid back flyboy charm, or his “you and me against the world” grin, or his improbable hair. More likely, it was the fact that Rodney liked Sheppard and Sheppard seemed to like him in return.

Now they were chasing the infected F-302 and, hello, had anyone noticed they were flying into a sun? Rodney was sure he could feel the radiation wreaking havoc on his body. Sheppard did realize this was a very bad idea, didn’t he? “Would it be good to mention that we have less protection in this ship than we did on the Daedalus?”

“Not really.”

“I didn’t think so.” Ok, so Sheppard knew – it just didn’t matter. It was bright enough in the F-302 that Rodney added sunglasses to his list of critically important things he wished he’d brought with him. “Is it just me, or is it getting a little hot in here?”

He was unsurprised when Sheppard ignored him. Of course, this just made him babble. “The thing is, I have very fair skin. I tend to burn easily.” It was now painfully bright in the cockpit and he tried to shield himself from the glare. Sheppard was probably rolling his eyes. Rodney hated it when he did that. He was a scientist, damn it, not a soldier. It wasn’t his job to play hero. He was supposed to perform miraculous feats from the sidelines. Funny how that kept not working out.

Unfortunately, he knew just what the solar radiation was doing to them. Sheppard wouldn’t think he was such a hypochondriac if he understood how much trouble they might be in. It wasn’t just the thought of no little McKays running around. If they didn’t get out of here soon, things were going to get really ugly. He was sure his arms were already turning red.

After far too long a time, in Rodney’s opinion, Sheppard blew the other ship from the sky and they headed back toward the Daedalus. Rodney didn’t pay much attention as Sheppard coordinated their return.

“You did great back there, Rodney.” Sheppard’s voice was warm. “Wanna take the stick?”

Rodney couldn’t believe it. Sheppard was going to let him fly! Maybe the day wasn’t a total loss. “Really?”

“No.” Damned if the son of a bitch didn’t sound smug!

Rodney had had enough. “Very cute, Colonel. Give me a break! Let’s see, today I’ve been nearly poisoned by a coolant leak, watched a friend and colleague die in front of me while he called for me to help him, nearly lost another friend when his ship was taken over by a Wraith virus, been beamed point to point inside a ship by a transporter beam that wasn’t designed to operate that way, narrowly avoided being exposed to the vacuum of space, played copilot to a maniac playing tag with a killer ship, and finished off with exposure to a probably lethal dose of radiation while baking in the chromosphere of a SUN.” He knew his voice had risen hysterically, but he really didn’t care. “What I could really use is a blow job and a cup of coffee right about now, but since I don’t think either one is in the offing, the least you could do is let me fly the damn ship!”

“Sheesh, Rodney, relax already! Let me get us back on a heading to the Daedalus and you can take over.” His voice took on a teasing tone, “You need a gentle touch on the stick, think you can manage?”

Innuendo? Rodney could do innuendo. “I assure you, Colonel, I get no complaints about my stick technique.” At Sheppard’s strangled snort, Rodney chalked one up in the “win” column. Flying the F-302 most of the way to the Daedalus counted as another win.

Back on the Daedalus, they were met by Colonel Caldwell, Elizabeth, and Hermiod. Rodney was a little surprised to see the Asgard away from his console, but he supposed they’d developed a working relationship based on mutual respect. Sheppard accepted congratulations from Caldwell and Elizabeth. Hermiod’s “Well done, Dr. McKay” left Rodney both proud and embarrassed.

After the virtual pats on the back (and a real one from Elizabeth that hurt more than it should) Sheppard took his arm. “Come on, Rodney, we have things to do and people to see.” He started to lead Rodney from the room.

“Oh, Lieutenant Colonel Sheppard?” Hermiod called. Sheppard and Rodney turned to look at the Asgard as he continued, “Do not forget Dr. McKay’s coffee.” The Colonel looked confused, then blushed. As Sheppard sputtered indignantly about comms and privacy, Rodney swore the Asgard winked.


Legend: After an airliner encounters a particularly rough patch of turbulence, the captain comes on the intercom to reassure the passengers that everything is okay and that the flight should be smooth one the rest of the way. He forgets to turn off the intercom, however, and everyone in the passenger cabin hears his subsequent comment to the co-pilot: "Boy, I sure could use a blow job and a cup of coffee right about now!" As a flight attendant frantically rushes up the aisle towards the cockpit to warn the captain that his microphone is open, a waggish passenger calls out after her, "Don't forget the coffee!"

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